Happy Marriages: What’s the Secret?

Happy Marriages: What’s the Secret?

Many women put a happy marriage as one of their top goals. And headlines to the contrary, nearly twice as many women marry each year as divorce. Here’s what experts say will help relationships last.

Start with Friendship
Stable marriages are based on friendship, says one expert. Couples who like each other’s company and respect each other are more likely to stay married. So, too, are couples who understand each other’s quirks, likes, and dislikes.

Good communication also stands as a hallmark of a successful marriage. Couples who share thoughts, feelings, and needs are more likely to be satisfied.

Conflict and even anger in marriage is unavoidable. But couples who stay married are able to keep disagreements from escalating into all-out war.

During arguments, stable couples are less combative than couples who end up divorced. They make more attempts to lighten the mood. That way, negative feelings don’t build up.

On the other hand, if one partner treats another with contempt, defensiveness, or belligerence, the marriage is more likely to fail. The message? It’s OK to fight, but spouses who are friends know how to apply the brakes.

Other important qualities in marriages that last include:

  • mutual support
  • flexibility and agreement on the way leisure time is spent
  • a positive attitude and openness about sexuality
  • good relationships with family and friends.

Strategies for Success
Whether couples are just tying the knot or have been married for 40 years, the following strategies can help make partnerships more successful:

  • Share interesting activities that allow for interaction. One study showed that hiking, skiing, dancing, and going to musical concerts, plays, and lectures together make marriages more satisfying.
  • Be gentle and soothing when the other is upset. Couples who stay together try to curtail anger with kindness and humor.
  • Keep talking. If communication is a problem, consider marriage counseling.

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